We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it's like heaven, but drunker
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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