What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
