Apparently you make a good broom.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
