Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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