why didn't you poke me back
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
