Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
