and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
