I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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