is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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