awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
