Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
