she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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