There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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