I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
They took my balls.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
