Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
