After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
