You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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