I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
