If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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