i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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