i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
