she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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