i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
