i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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