Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
