i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
