I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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