PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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