Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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