I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
