so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
