i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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