Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
