At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
try to milk me bitch
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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