you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
