No awkward lesbian experiences without me
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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