It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
3 2 1 whiskey
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
