I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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