Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
