oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
