and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
