I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
