Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
