It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
