my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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