The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
