i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The Olympian is in my bed
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
