Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
