Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
