So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think a kid would responsible me up
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
