Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
