At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
