Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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