you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
