i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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